There the steak sat, uncooked and unloved.
I mustered motivation. I schlepped over to the grocery store. I bought the ingredients for a recipe I saw on YouTube. But five days later, I found myself staring vacantly at a discolored piece of meat in my fridge, wondering why in the world I bought it in the first place. I didn’t toss it on day three because doing so would have been a heinous personal defeat.
This wasn’t the first steak I had to toss before cooking. What was going on here?
Section 1 + Question: Did I Actually Want To Cook The Steak?
No. I did not actually want to cook the steak.
I got to this answer by asking myself “What would cooking a steak do for me?” a few different times and then reviewing the various answers (which is an insanely useful practice that you can do for almost all things you “want” in life, one I will review more in depth in it’s own article). I eventually landed on an answer like “Being the type of person that is consistently cooking themselves delicious and healthy meals would feel better than being the type of person who is mindlessly about to walk over to Chipotle again.”
So I didn’t just want to cook that steak, what I really wanted was to be the type of person who wanted to cook that steak.
Let’s take a look at two people described below: one is the type of person who wants to cook the steak, the other is not that type of person. Take a guess who is who.
Person 1: Frolics bemusedly through a kitchen full of aroma and joy. Upon taking that first bite, he thinks “Wow. Life is really just about the simple things, huh?” Then he calls his mom and talks about family for 18 minutes while walking to the grocery store.
Person 2: The last regretful steak he cooked still haunts him. So average, so bland. Why he bought another one, he does not know. Upon taking that first bite, he feels hollow. Then he calls his mom and talks about politics for two hours before tossing the rest of the steak and heading to Chipotle.
I didn’t want to cook the steak if I had to do it as Person 2. What I really wanted was to be Person 1, so the steak would practically cook itself. And so I would stop talking about politics with my mom.
But how to become this person? Where to start?
Section 2 + Insight: Becoming Person 1 = Fighting Easy Dopamine
Fighting easy dopamine is the start. Back in the day, dopamine was found when new food, a new mate, or a new cave twice the size of the old one turned up (either through serendipity or hard work). Dopamine (feeling good) would nudge us towards hard but desirable goals. It kept us on a relatively straight and narrow path. Things that felt good, were good.
These days, it’s not so simple. Not all dopamine is created equal. It’s ultra-easy access creates a constant “nudging” effect. We are nudged towards swipe-able screens instead of the things that matter most. Nudged towards clickbait instead of nuanced information. Nudged towards Chipotle instead of cooking. In other words, nudged towards Person 2. If we wander down this path of easy dopamine for too long, it’s not shocking to imagine getting lost and throwing out an uncooked steak or two.
Becoming Person 1 meant freeing myself (mostly) from the nudge created by easy dopamine.
So if fighting easy dopamine is the start of becoming Person 1… how do I get this fight started?
Section 3 + Action: Stop Buying Steak, Start Buying Eggs
Fighting back against easy dopamine means creating easier choices, not harder choices.
I started buying eggs. They stay fresh longer, require less clean up, and cooking them is simple. They are easy in a good way. The more I cook them, the more I look forward to cooking them. Slowly but surely, battles have been won, progress has been made, and the fog of Person 2 has begun to lift (at least in the kitchen).
But no amount of egg-cooking prowess would matter if I did not realize this one important truth…
Summary: It’s About How I Feel, Not The Steak
When I tossed that steak in the trash, I felt like Person 2. I was Person 2.
I didn’t care about the steak. I didn’t even care about the cooking. I cared about feeling like Person 1. Being Person 1.
Now, I look forward to my morning egg-making ritual. I buy interesting sauces for my eggs. I perfected an angelic over-medium that would make Wolfgang Puck cry. Thusly, I stoke the embers of my immortal curiosity. I commune with the genuine desires in my heart. I feel good. And this feeling ports over to other areas of my life, nudging me towards things that feel good and are good.
So if you ever find yourself about to toss an uncooked steak in the trash, just remember, it’s not about the steak. Go buy some eggs, cook them, feel good, and stop talking to your mom about politics.
